And nobody wants to love me.
Just like her I want to be pretty! I wanna be pretty!
Don't lie to my face, tellin my I'm pretty.
I think I'm ugly
And nobody wants to love me
Just like her I want to be pretty! I wanna be pretty!
Don't lie to me face, cuz I know I'm ugly.
Now that's a pronouncement that'll get your attention. I know that it definitely got mine the first time I heard it. Because this pronouncement is also the chorus of a song called 'Ugly' by the Korean band 2NE1. You may have noticed (either on my blog profile, or in a previous post) that I seem to mention 2NE1 all too often, but that's only because it is, not only my favorite band, but also the majority of my interests (that sounds weird, but let's just say my world is very small :P). Okay, maybe not the majority of my interests, but paying attention to 2NE1 is how I spend the majority of my time on the internet, at least.
Many people don't understand the obsession with K pop, or European techno, or have any urge to pay attention to pop culture (or culture in general) outside of their own country, and that's fine. But for me, listening to what's on the radio, watching the pre-programmed shows on cable tv - it just isn't my thing. I prefer the internet - where I have access to everything at all times, not just what's chosen for me. In that way, I've come to use the internet for many things, but in particular, I use it to keep track of pop culture - especially the group called 2NE1 and their label and label mates from YG Entertainment.
Not only do I enjoy their music, but I, like many 2NE1 fans, feel like I've gotten to witness a more personal side of the four girls that make up the group through a reality show called 2NE1TV. Unlike most reality shows on American television, the point of the show is not to provide drama or crazy stunts and activities - the true purpose of the show was originally to give fans like me a more personal attachment to the girls (CL, Bom, Dara, and Minji) and to create new fans by showing what kind of people the performers really are.
Since, for me, I was forced to view this not through the television, but over the internet (waiting impatiently for episodes of the show to be subbed into English) - it struck me as an even more personal experience. It was the same sort of feeling I get from watching vlogs on youtube - I feel like I have a much more personal relationship with a vlogger who I am a fan of than a celebrity (although I know neither personally). This is the same way I feel about the members of 2NE1 (even though they are celebrities.
But beyond that, their music strikes me in a way that most of the music I hear on the radio does not. Adele and Kelly Clarkson aside (both of whose latest albums I am in love with), most songs seem to be about clubbing or partying or sexing, and, while that's all fun and dandy every once in a while, it's not something I particularly connect with. And that brings me back to my opening chorus. 'Ugly' has become my favorite song by 2NE1 (which is actually saying a lot, considering they don't have a single song that I truly dislike). Not only is the beat fun and different - both from the rest of the 2NE1 catalog, and most other K pop out there - but it's really the lyrics that stand out to me and what make the song amazing, in my opinion.
If you've never heard it, I strongly suggest that you give it a listen.
First (for those who haven't heard it and would like to) I'll post the original video. I really like the concept of this one and the song itself does a good job of capturing the sadness and emotion. Then I'll post a version that is subbed in English. If you've never seen or heard it, I would suggest you first watch one, then the other (in the order I posted), but of course, that's entirely up to you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGe0hHvAGkc&list=PL202D1451003EBC18&feature=plcp
And the English subbed:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9D0nLjYMYTw
I feel like you'd be hard pressed to find a person who was unmoved by those lyrics. And if you did, I'd argue that either they simply didn't understand, or that they are somehow a magical being with complete, 100%, all day everyday self confidence.
The thing that I find so endearing about this song is that there isn't one person out there that hasn't had these feelings at some point in their life. We all have moments (sometimes many, many moments) of uncertainty in ourselfs, lose confidence, feelings of self-loathing. For some these feelings are fleeting and uncommon. Others are not so lucky.
For me personally, I have never had a huge problem with my looks. I'm not drop dead gorgeous, or anything, if that's what you were thinking (I'm sure you weren't :P), I've just been blessed with pretty good self-esteem and a positive self image. Much of this I inherited from my mother (as did my two sisters), but of course I have a few problems with my appearance, and I always dread those 'bad face days', as I call them (those days where, not matter which way you look at yourself, you just don't think you look good), but those feelings rarely stay around for very long. More often (though still not regularly), what I'm worried about is a kind of internal ugliness - that awful feeling that you aren't as great a person as everyone seems to think, that you can't live up to the expectations of the people around you because you're just not good enough, that you have ugly thoughts and feelings about others which (in your own mind) no nice, normal person would feel.
Everyone feels this way at some time or another. This self-deprecating thinking attacks everyone at some point. Anyone who has EVER been a teenager (I would argue, especially a teenage girl, but really just teens in general) knows this.
The lyrics of 'Ugly' that relate to this part of feeling ugly - not superficially, but internally - the feeling that your very personality, your very core is ugly - strike me the most. My favorite part of the song is this verse:
"Don't tell me that you can understand me so easily
My ugly and crooked heart may even come to resent you
Don't force me to talk, I'm not right for you
The cold thorns inside that patronizing gaze suffocate me
Don't come close, I don't even want your concern
I want to leave away to somewhere else. I want to shout..."
and which point that songs leaves way to the chorus (which I typed up at the beginning of this post and is sung in English).
The way the lyrics capture my most insecure thoughts that I remember having is beautiful to me, because although, as I have said many time, many people feel this way, for some reason we rarely talk about it. At least not this specifically.
As for me, I am a generally happy person, one who would much rather laugh things off than dwell on them, and someone who would often rather focus only on silly things to avoid feelings down or sad. But sometimes a sadness faces you and forces you to contemplate it. There's nothing wrong with that. I think admitting it when it happens is probably the best thing we can do. It doesn't have to be in some big showy way, but having a song that spells out almost exactly what your feeling sure doesn't hurt. At least in my opinion.
In the end, that's the thing I truly love about this song. That they take these negative feelings and they put them into words, then they turn on the rock and stomp the negativity into the ground.
This was just something I was thinking about recently. Not because I'm sad or down. Rather because listening to this song and knowing the meaning of these lyrics makes me feel stronger. Every time I think deeply about these lyrics, they make me feel reflective rather than depressed, and for anyone who ever has experienced those feelings for real, I think that's a good state to be left in when faced with the seriousness of these words. Or better yet is when you know what they're saying, and despite everything you can let go and just rock out. That is why I love this song, and that is why I love 2NE1. Because, although they didn't personally write this song, I know it was written with them, and everyone, in mind all at the same time (their long time producer, Teddy Park, is the song's writer. I know! I can't believe a boy could be so eloquent about this sort of subject either! But that's my mild sexism talking. Ignore. Anyway, he has worked with the girls since before they debuted, and was actually in a group on the same label before he became a producer. He knows them all personally, and I have know doubt that he has each of the four girls in mind when writing every song, taking their personalities into account. Plus, I think they are at least a little involved in the creative process - that's from what I gather).
I feel that this song really represents them as a group and very much shows their strength as both musicians and women.
That is all I have to say on this matter for now. :) And so I will leave you with a very well done live session of 'Ugly', on that I think gives the most emotion and meaning to the song. :D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lp_2q0zuYCY&list=PLD8E92F6DC40B87F5&index=18&feature=plpp_video
